


I Don't Know What I Want But I Know You're A Big Part Of It

by reigenfucker



Category: Hololive
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:40:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27733195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigenfucker/pseuds/reigenfucker
Summary: DISCLAIMER: This is one hundred percent NOT how I feel about our VTubers in real. This is more of an angsty, venty, idea I've been playing around with to entertain myself at work. While I will sometimes use events that have happened IRL, they're still pretty modified to fit with this narrative. Also I don't really totally remember proper writing techniques but like nobody cares right? I'll update this as my schedule allows.In this fic, Mori has feelings that confuse her towards Kiara, her new coworker in Hololive. Where will this blooming love go? I don't know but it's gonna be angsty and painful!
Relationships: Mori Calliope/Takanashi Kiara
Comments: 20
Kudos: 148





	1. Kusotori...

**Author's Note:**

> Some scenes are going take place outside of streams. Characters will always be referred to as their screen names, whether or not the person speaking to them knows the character by that name or not. I don't feel like improvising names for them or confusing people. Kokoro is how I'll be referring to KokoroBeats, who Mori works with on her original songs.

After work, I hopped into bed like any other night. Tired as I might be, however, sleep is not in the cards tonight. No way could I possibly sleep tonight! Tomorrow I become Calliope Mori for the first generation of the English division of Holoive! I'll be meeting with my costars for the first time tomorrow...Ina'nis Ninomae, Gawr Gura, Amelia Watson, and Kiara Takanashi. Might as well work on setting words to some of those tracks Kokoro sent me a while back. Sure beats wasting my whole night. I wonder what the other girls are gonna be like. They seem nice enough from what I've heard.

Oh God...is it really already time to leave? I swear it feels like any time I sit down to do something for myself a whole eight hours is just immediately gone like nothing. Whatever. If I leave now, I have time to grab a quick breakfast before the meeting, maybe I'll bring donuts. Is that too much? I think I'll go ahead and grab some anyway.

This elevator is entirely too small to hold all of us. I reflexively put the donuts above my head and now my arms are stuck. If even one other person in this elevator is in this meeting I will die. I have no say in the matter. These are the rules of life and you live or die by them. At the least, it is now my floor, and I am getting off and hoping like hell I'm the only-

Just like that, here I walk, dead! Every Girl In The Elevator Is Now Walking With Me Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh this is okay. This is okay. I can use this to break the ice. I am a flawless genius. We've all made it to the door, I think we've all realized beyond doubt what's happening.

"Ladies! I'm glad to see you have all made it! With gifts in tow as well, I see!"

This man is Yagoo! Yagoo!

"Yes sir! Donuts!"

Why. Sir? Everybody knows these are donuts. Why did I feel the need to say it? Sir? Everybody is oohing and thanking me now. I guess I can let it slide it this time..

"Many thanks, Mori. Now if you'll all come to this conference room, we can begin discussion. I'll start with you, Miss Amelia...". "Mori! We have your design here. You'll be an apprentice shinigami, on hiatus from murder. You still have a passion for it though. This is your general premise, do you have any problems or concerns?"

"No sir! This is amazing, thank you! She's beautiful..."

"I'm glad to hear you're pleased. Now, last but certainly not least, Kiara..."

Oh. Now that the nerves are off somewhat, I'm finally getting a good look at the girls around me and...wow. Kiara is kinda...really cute. Like, really, really cute. Maybe...if things go well, maybe I'll ask her to a meal sometime? Or we'll do a collab? I'm getting ahead of myself. Slow down Mori. You don't know anything about her yet.

"What do you think everybody? Do you like my phoenix feathers?"

She was fluffing her hair around her ears, imitating her avatar's design. Cute...

"Kusotori..."

"Huh?"

Shitshitshitshit she heard me shitshitshitshit...

"Oh...I was just...I said kusotori, because your design kinda looks like a chicken..."

"Hey! That's rude, ahaha! You are kinda right though, maybe I can do something with that."

"Oh, and one last thing, for the both of you. Kiara, you'll be in love with Mori and Mori, we want you to kind of play it off, but return it every now and then. A tsundere type of deal. Are you two up for that?"

"Yeah! I think that will be fun, how about you Mori?"

...oh MOTHER-


	2. 'We' Are Not In Love

-F-WORD-ER!!!!!! AAAAAAHHH WHAT THE HELL WE'RE IN LOVE NOW? I'M A TSUNDERE?! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-

"Yeah! No problems here! I can totally be in love with Kiara!"

"Ohh? You caaan~?"

"Ah! No- Not- I mean-"

"Ahaha! Sorry, just joking! But you know, you're pretty cute when you get flustered, maybe this will be easier than I thought~."

A lady with a way with words is a dangerous thing indeed. I know I'm blushing, I can feel my cheeks getting tight and my ears heating up and-

"Oh, Calli? Do you mind if I call you Calli? Would you like to trade phone numbers? I want to be on the same page with you going into this."

Ease up there kusotori! You can't just ask a lady for her number as soon as you meet her, her heart won't be ready yet! Wait. She's not asking because she loves me. She's asking because she fake loves me. Yeah, that's right...fake love. We're in fake love.

"That's a good idea. Here it is, go ahead and text me so we know it works, too."

"...there! Did you get it?"

I stare at my phone until I feel the buzz. Across the top of my screen I see a notification with the emojis of a chicken and a skull with a heart between them. Somehow it seems oddly cute now? Since when were chickens cute?

"Yep! All clear."

"Yay! Be sure to text me later, okay? I'm free all night tonight!"

Free? All night? Right after giving me her number? Is this some level of invitation? No...this is fake love. She's just telling me to text her to discuss work. She may be cute, but she's still essentially a stranger...so why does she feel so close already?

"Okay! I'm headed to class right now but I will text you later! Goodbye!"

"Byebye!"

Class that day was meant to be productive, like any other day in class would be, like every other day in class had been. Yet all I gained from it was copious amounts of chicken doodles. Entirely too many chicken doodles to make sense. On the ride home I stared at my phone, trying to think of what to text her. I can't be too casual, or we'll be in fake love forever. I can't be too forward, or I may even lose our fake love. In the end, I sent her a picture of a chicken I had drawn.

"This you?"

I am such a fool. Truly, I am a foolish woman. Whatever it was that possessed me to send such a foolish message must surely require teams of priests to exorcise-

"Yeah, that's me!"

She had attached a picture of herself with a drawn chicken beak. If such a thing as rejuvenating heart attacks exist, I had no less than three in that moment. 

"Cuuute-

I almost sent it. I almost made a wrong step. Truly, texting is a most dangerous thing.

"Haha, cute! So, what are you thinking for our dynamic?"

Dynamic? Are we a movie trope now? I guess it's not far off, actually. She starts typing...and stops. Starts...and stops. Is she having second thoughts? Does she want to back out? I can't blame her, really, given- Oh. Oh wow, that is quite an opener.

"Do you mind if I come on kind of strong? I totally get if you're not comfortable with that to start, or at all. I mean, it's not like we're actually in love, so if you don't like that I can be more passive."

Yeah. We're not in love. We are not actually in love. So it's important that we set clear, strong boundaries on this, so neither of us get confused. We are just playing parts.

"I don't mind at all! You can come at me as strong as you want! I'll totally deflect all of your love...kusotori!"

"Haha! Be ready for me because it packs a punch!" 

Bold words from a woman who couldn't even deflect one text of cuteness. I need to put the breaks on this before I say something I regret.

"Well I need to go now but let's text again, okay? Bye."

"Okay, bye! I looove youuu~!"

Wait. Was that love real? No, she wouldn't spell it that way if it was a real love. Fake, work, strictly business love. That's all I've gained today. As I walk from my station to my apartment, I repeat this in my mind, hoping to make it stick.

It does not.

Maybe wine will help it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we're just starting to crack the surface of these tags but stick with me! We will dive deeper into angst, issues, and pain! We're getting there!


	3. The Illusion of Free Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calli encounters a dilemma! What will be most worth obtaining?

Wine was NOT a good idea, holy shit. If anything the lines are just blurred even more for me now. At this point I can barely tell the difference between my memory of what I was hoping for and my memory of what happened. I'm just gonna let myself crash, tomorrow is school and work both...shit...

For the first time in a long time, I woke up to something other than one of my dozens of alarms. This much buzzing from my phone means it must be a call. Most calls these days are just spam though...if it's important they'll leave a message. I let it sit and ring as I wash my face and clean up last night's failed attempt at clarity. Oh, they did leave a mess-

KUSOTORI?? Kiara called me!? Kiara called me! At seven in the morning?! What did she say????

"Hey Calli! Good morning! Are you awake? If you're not you better get up, sleepy reaper!"

Is she actually a saint? I might be even more confused, but now, my day seems a bit more bearable. As I dress for work, I move my alarms a bit earlier in the day. I would hate to miss such a golden chance again. No way could I possibly return such a call today, but I do send a picture of myself brushing my teeth. I hope it inspires her to continue these calls...

Work drags on, school flies by me before I even realize it's started. Maybe if I worked at school and learned at work I could enjoy both a little more...ah, well, such is so. Checking my messages on the ride home, I see Yagoo has given all of us each other's numbers. I add the last 3 girls into my contacts and share a quick greeting with them. I hope we can all be friends. Kiara responded to my picture with a stock image of a thumbs up. Stock images are powerful...

Thinking of friends, I haven't had a chance to speak with Kokoro lately. I should invite them over to listen to what I've done with the latest beats. Honestly I also want to tell somebody about Kiara, it is literally paining me to not say anything through all this!

"Heyyy, Kokoro, how you doooiiiin"

"Heyyy, Calli, I'm goood! How you doooiiin"

"I don't even knowww...you got tiiime this weeekeeend?"

"Yeeeaaahhh! Sorry, can't keep it up. Wanna go somewhere or just hang at home?"

"Home. Believe it or not, I made some progress on that last batch you sent! I also have some kinda big stuff to talk about, like a lot of stuff lol"

"I'll be there. Congrats on the new idol job by the way wtf! When's your debut?"

"hhhhhhh I have one week until official reveal and like one month until debut hhhhh"

"Oh shit good luck girl! I'll see you this weekend, we can talk all about it I promise. Love til then!"

"Love til then, can't wait!"

Only two days, I better start cleaning now. Maybe I can leave a little more than half for tomorrow, it's just school and no work. I give my work another listen as I clean to make sure I didn't gloss over something too obvious, and finally slump into bed. The next morning I'm successfully woken by my alarms, at the ready if I get another Kusotori call. It's not really that likely, especially since i missed yesterday's, and I mean-. Just at that moment my phone starts to buzz and sure enough it's Kiara!

"Good morning, Kusotori. Is it true?"

"Calli, you're awake! Good morning! Is what true?"

"That chickens wake up with the sunrise."

"Ahaha! You're funny, Calli! And noooo! We wake up with our hive mind syncing. See? I can joke too!"

"Haha, very funny...nooot! Weeaak."

"Meanie. Hey, are you free this weekend?"


	4. Guh!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big brain Calli to the rescue, but can she maintain the big brain against her greatest foe: the big heart?

My heart skipped a beat. Didn't something just come up for this weekend? Am I about to miss this golden opportunity? Wait, it's just Kokoro! Maybe this IS the golden opportunity!

"Let me check one thing and call you right back okay?"

"Okay~!"

Faster than speed dial could have managed I was ringing Kokoro's phone.

"Please pick up, please pick up, ple-"

"Hey, Calli, what's up? You o-?"

"KOKORO IS IT OKAY IF SOMEBODY ELSE IS OVER WITH US YOU DON'T KNOW HER BUT HER NAME IS KIARA AND I MET HER RECENTLY AND I WANTED TO INTRODUCE YOU TWO AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT HER AND SHE'S REALLY COOL AND-"

"Easy there Calli, breathe! If you're cool with her, I probably am too. Wanna talk more later?"

"-GUH! Hoooooo... Yes. I would like to talk much more later and now I am going to confirm these plans. Good bye Kokoro."

"Ha, talk to you later Calli."

They disconnected the call for me. Thankfully. If they hadn't I probably would have gone on catching my breath on phone forever. I got a glass of water as I mentally prepared myself to call Kiara. Deep breaths, easy breaths...here we go. One ring buzzes my ear. Another ring. Before the third ring can finish, I hear an eager voice.

"Calli! How does the schedule look?"

"Hello again Kiara, your boy actually already made plans this weekend. I checked with my friend, though, and if you're okay with it, they're okay with us all hanging out? Totally get if you don-"

"I'd love to meet your friend Calli! Where are we going?"

She's so fast to adapt and make decisions, it's nerve wracking. Seriously, who is this good at communicating? It's not natural!

"Oh, we were just gonna meet at my house, but we could go to eat or an arcade?"

"If you don't mind me over I definitely don't mind coming! Maybe we could all have a sleepover party!"

"I don't know, I don't have too much space haha.."

"Oh I don't mind sharing a bed if it's with you Calli~. Ahaha!"

Obviously she was just joking. We've already established this dynamic. There's no way she was serious just now. The head knows, but the heart just can't care, I guess. Let's try something...

"Okay fine, but just this once! I definitely don't just want to wake up and see your sleepy face right beside me, got that?"

My heart almost pounds out of my chest as I lie through my teeth. Could she actually, honestly not mind sharing a bed with me? Would it even be right to if we lay there in such different worlds? How different are our worlds, at this point?

"Hahaha! Nice one Calli, now we're getting there!"

Her words snap me back to reality. To our fake love. I almost pushed things too far again.

"Yeah, we might really have something going by debut. I have to go now but I'll be in touch about this weekend. I'll let my friend, Kokoro, know that we're planning a sleepover, too. Bye."

"Good bye Calli! Have a good day!"

This call, I'm able to disconnect myself. Great things approaching but how great are they? The next few days are some confusing mix of a drag and a blur. The only thing I can truly remember is my conversation with Kokoro.

"Hey Kokoro, about this weekend, and this girl-"

"Kiara, right? You like her, I can already tell. You don't call somebody "really cool" like that unless you're at least a little interested in them."

"-guh...you know me too well. Yeah, I think I might be feeling some things towards her but I just barely met her, so I'm going to wait longer to confirm it."

"That's smart. You want me to wingman this weekend just in case?"

"...it would be appreciated."

"No worries, my Calli: Wingman Mode On. I'm putting on shades and smiling to show you how cool I am and how good I am at this. Do you feel it? Do you feel my coolness?"

"Haha! I can feel your cool aura through the phone! ...thanks. Your boi kinda needed that, honestly."

"Anytime, my boi. Much love, and I will see you this weekend, with Kiara! Shades on!"

"Shades on! See you then, Kokoro!"

The weekend is here before I realize it. I feel like I forgot something, but I can't quite place it...just as I think this, I hear a knock on my door. Probably Kokoro, they don't live too far.

"Guh! Coming!"

Suddenly aware of exactly how I'm dressed in just shorts and a t-shirt, exactly how messy my hair is, and exactly how I just shouted Guh! at the top of my lungs, I am greeted by none other than Kiara.

"Guh to you too!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much progress once again, but next chapter will be event packed, believe it!


	5. Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events! Reveals! I deliver!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For clarity, I attached names to some dialogue this chapter. C is your boy Calli, Ki is Kiara, and Ko is Kokoro.

"KIARA?"

"Calli? Am I early? I swear this is the time we set?"

I check my phone. Sure enough, she's right on time. Not a minute late or early. I hope she wasn't waiting outside.

"No, you're right! Sorry, I guess I lost track of time. Oh, please, come in! I'll take your bag."

"Why thank you! Is your friend Kokoro here already?"

"Huh? Oh, no, but they should be soon. Would you like something to drink while we wait?"

"I would, thank you! What do you have?"

Ah, shit.

"Uhh...red wine, champagne, whiskey, sake, and...a few bottles of melon ramune. Oh, and water."

"Oh! Uh, I guess just water for now, thank you."

For now, I resist and pour two glasses of water. I hand Kiara one and we sit together in my living room in a heavy silence. I almost speak a few times, but nothing feels right after our last exchange. A few minutes later, another knock comes to our rescue. I open the door to a welcome presence and a sudden hug.

"Calli! It's been forever! Oh, and are you Kiara? Hello Kiara!"

"And you must be Kokoro! Hello~!"

"Oh, Kokoro, would you like some water?"

"What? No wine tonight?"

I freeze for a second.

"Nah, you know, we're just starting light, haha..."

"Oh, that makes sense!"

I can see in their face that they understand now. Not exactly a great start to the night, but we can probably recover, let's go!

"So, Kiara, how did you and Calli meet?"

"Oh, Calli, they don't know? Do you mind if I tell them, or do you want to?"

"Oh, they know about me, but I'll let you tell them the rest."

"Me and Calli are going to be idols together! We're both debuting in about 3 weeks as English VTubers. I guess you already knew about Calli, but I'll be joining her. Do you want to see my model?"

"That's awesome, and I'd love to! I didn't know they were ready yet, why didn't you tell me Calli?"

"Oh, sorry, it just slipped my mind, pretty busy lately, haha..."

Kiara and I both showed them our models' reference pictures on our phones. Kiara fluffed her hair again. I almost suffered cardiac arrest again. Our true usual dynamic.

Ko: "I'm actually in your business too, Kiara, just in a different area. I've made Calli's beats for a while now! Speaking of, Calli, did you want to show me these samples now?"

Ki: "Samples?"

Ko: "Yeah! She said earlier this week that she had recorded some to show me."

C: "We really don't have to do that anymore, they aren't that great anyway..."

Ki: "Let's listen to them Calli, this sounds like fun!"

Well, hell, I guess we're doing this. Red from ear to ear, I start playing the first song I've been working on, ReaperかRapper? 自己紹介ラップ. I can't bring myself to look up.

"Calli! Dance with us!"

I look up. Kiara has her hand out to me, and her and Kokoro are doing some of the worst dancing I've ever seen in my life. It's enough. I let her pull me up and I join them, redder by the second. What I have done ends, and we dance to the rest of what's on my computer, laughing harder and harder. By the time it ends we're all sitting on the floor, out of breath.

C: "HOOOO...thanks...guys...I really needed that haha!"

Ki: "See!? I told you it would be fun Calli! Definitely helped you two are so good at making music, too! It's beautiful!"

Ko: "Aww, you really think so? We both know Calli's the real talent here though."

They wink at me. Is that the wingman action? There's no way it's doing anyth-

Ki: "She does have a beautiful voice and control."

Nevermind! It's absolutely working. I wink back at them to show my appreciation.

Ki: "So, Calli, what do you say we bring out some drinks and play some games?"

C: "Games?"

Ko: "Oh! What about truth or dare? Or never have I ever?"

Ki: "Yes! Never have I ever! I love that one!"

C: "I've never played, how does it go?"

Ko: "Okay, we'll all put up five fingers. We take turns saying 'Never have I ever blank blank' and if you've done what they say, you put down a finger. Last person with a finger up wins."

C: "Ehhh I don't know..."

Ki: "Oh, come on, Calli, pleeeeaaaasssseeee??"

She grabs my hands and pierces my heart with her puppy dog eyes. Such a direct attack on my poor maiden heart is completely unfair, but also completely irresistible.

C: "Well...I guess if you really want to..."

Ki: "Yayyy!!! Let's drink!"

Finally, something I can get behind. I go for wine, and Kokoro and Kiara follow suit. We draw straws to see who goes first. Kokoro will lead, thankfully. Show me your best wingman moves!

Ko: "Hm...never have I everrr...become a VTuber!"

Ki&C: "NO FAIR!"

Ko: "Haha, all goes in drinking games! Get got, VLosers!"

We both go to four fingers. A low blow to start, and Kiara's up next.

Ki: "Well I, at least, will play this game right. Never have I ever had a New Year's kiss."

Kokoro puts a finger down, tying the round up at 4, and putting me up to bat.

Ki: "You either, Calli? That's surprising?"

Blush mode: OVERDRIVE.

C: "Yeah, I guess things have just never lined up, haha..well, never have I ever...kissed in public?"

Ki: "Wait. Does kissing parents goodbye count?"

C: "If it puts a finger down, then yes."

Ko: "Well, either way, I'm down. Kiara?"

Kokoro and Kiara put a finger down, putting me in the lead by 1 at 4. Kokoro is back up.

Ko: "Alright, I'll get serious. Never have I ever...currently had a crush?"

C: "Hey, hey, ain't that unfair?"

Ki: "I'm kinda curious anyway!"

Should I put one down? I guess it's only honest...but if they ask...ah, shit, fuck it. I put one down.

Ki&Ko: "OOOOOOHHH!!! WHO? WHO? WHO?"

C: "Nah nah that ain't how this goes, you ain't tricking me!"

Ki: "Well, if we aren't gonna tell...loser..."

She puts one down as well. Huh? She put one down? She has a crush??

Ki: "Anyway! I'm up! Moving on! Never have I ever! Had to ask for...help...with...a computer? Ah I don't know, I'm sort-of. Wow."

In a sobering moment, Kokoro and I both must lower a finger. This ties the round at now 2. I'm up once again.

C: "Well...never have I ever...dated in high school."

Kiara drops a finger.

Ki: "Well it was never anything serious or lasting, but yes, I did technically date once or twice in high school. I'll count it for you, my Calli."

Her Calli...I like that...

We're now with Kiara trailing by 1, at 1. Kokoro has a chance to end it here. Bring it home, wingman!

Ko: "Hm hm hmm...never, not once in my life, have I ever...had a pet."

I drop a finger, and Kiara is out! Not exactly the biggest reveal to go for, but I'll take it.

Ki: "Well as much as I would love to see the test of this, I need to borrow your bathroom. Do you mind telling me where it is, Calli?"

C: "Oh, sure! Just down that hall, middle door. Only door with a lock."

Ki: "Thank you, and excuse me."

She gets up and walks away. Just as I'm about to continue the game, Kokoro stops me, whispering.

"We can just tell her I won and we'll tell her the questions are a secret. She has a crush!"

"I know, don't remind me..."

"Calli, what if it's you?"

"There's no way it's me, I mean we practically just met..."

"And? Didn't you get yours just that fast?"

"Well yeah but I mean, just look at her! She's so fun and cute and nice..."

"Girl I'm looking at you! You're plenty of great things too! Take your credit where it's due too! Why don't you ask her if she wants to stay the night?"

"Kokoro? You're both already staying the night, remember?"

"Um, Calli, you never told me that?"

Oh shit, that's what I was forgetting! Did I just accidentally set up a situation where it's just me and her? All night?

Ki: "I'm back! Who won?"

Ko: "It was me!"

Ki: "Ohh? And just what did our Calli do to lose?"

Ko: "That, I'm afraid, is our little secret~."

Ki: "Ah, no fair! I wanna know more about Calli, too!"

She pouts and yawns, starting in with yet another direct attack on my poor maiden heart.

Ki: "Well, I'm about ready to call it a night. Everybody else?"

C: "Well, actually, I-"

Ko: "Actually! I forgot my overnight bag, can you believe it? So I think I need to head home. But you two should keep having fun!"

Ki: "Aww, I'm sorry to hear that!" But, Calli, do you mind if I stay, just us?"

Ohhh, THIS is the wingman action...Kokoro thinks very fast. I owe them so big for this one.

C: "Aw, yeah that is a shame! Such a shame, Kokoro! But here, I'll call you a taxi. No, Kiara, I don't mind at all to have you over! It's been a great night!"

Ki: "Aww I think so too! Thank you both so much for letting me in on tonight!"

We have one last round of wine as we wait for Kokoro's taxi to arrive. When it does, we say our goodbyes, with Kokoro also secretly wishing me good luck and getting Kiara's number. I'm glad they got along too. As we head back in, after changing to our pajamas, I realize I've forgotten another vital piece of tonight's plan. I knock on the bathroom door, where Kiara is changing.

"Uh, I'm sorry, Kiara, but I just realized I've only got one bed...you can take it though! I'll sleep on the floor-"

At that moment, she walks out, changed into a t-shirt and shorts fairly similar to how I greeted her.

"No way! That's no good for you! You know, if you don't mind...I really don't mind to share the bed with you..."

Blush mode: CRITICAL OVERDRIVE. I swear she blushes for a moment too, but maybe it was just the light...

"Oh! Well, yeah, I mean, if you don't have a problem with it...let's go..."

We slide into bed together and lay back to back. I vow at that moment to dedicate my life to my truest friend, my greatest hero, my biggest supporter, Kokoro.

"Good night, my Calli."

"Good night to you too, my Kiara..."

She doesn't seem to mind me calling her my Kiara. Everything else tonight could be extra, that alone is enough to call it a success. Her warmth tempts me, but I get no sleep that night. Especially after she falls into her sleep, and rolls over to wrap me in the warmest hug I've ever felt. My poor, poor maiden heart.


	6. A Reason to Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, readers. It's been four years.
> 
> No in all seriousness I'm sorry it's taken so long. It's still short but I feel like it's a bit more refined. We're expanding! We're opening the angstgates!

Well. That was my plan, at least, before my tired body betrayed my mind that was so busy remembering every detail. At some point, I vaguely feel like I remember Kiara leaving, but I wasn't awake enough to understand. I wish I could have given her a proper goodbye. When I check my phone, I see she's sent me a picture of myself asleep, letting me know she had fun, and wants to do it again! Score! 

"Me too! I'd love to see you again." 

By the time I leave for work, she still hasn't responded to my message. Maybe she's just had enough of me for a minute, I could see that. 

"Uh, ma'am, is everything okay?" 

A stranger on the train has just asked me something a bit...personal? Have I met this person before? 

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you." 

They don't try talking to me again, but they do keep looking at me, with a worried expression? I've definitely never met this person before. I decided to text Kokoro about it, because that was an odd encounter. My phone screen is a bit blurry, it may be time for a new screen protector. 

"That is odd? Let me know when you get to work okay, alright? But also, I didn't know you were planning to move that fast, Calli, kinda impressive honestly." 

"Move that fast? What do you mean?" 

"What you told Kiara this morning! She texted me about it, like, immediately." 

"What I told Kiara? I didn't even see her this morning, she was gone by the time I woke up. What did I tell her?" 

"You honestly don't remember? You know, it might be better if you ask her." 

"What? Okay, whatever. I'm at work now." 

"Have fun~." 

Well that was confusing. What could I have said this morning? I was just about to text Kiara about it, when I see something. She read my message. No reply, but she read it. This is an absolute first. I'm probably overthinking it, and on some level, I know that. I know that as a fact, I'm likely overthinking this. But things are just lining up too much, first the stranger, then Kokoro's weird messages, now Kiara not answering my text, it's just- 

"Calli? Is everything okay?" 

That's odd. My boss doesn't usually come speak to me very often. 

"Yes ma'am! Why do you ask?" 

"Calli, do you not realize you're crying?" 

What? I put my hands to my face and sure enough, there's a familiar wetness of tears running down my face. I can now feel the blood running to my face as I realize I've probably been crying for a while, and that's why the stranger asked if I was okay. 

"I'm so sorry? Let me just go wash up real quick and-" 

"Calli, do you need a day off? It's fine if you do." 

"Honestly ma'am, I think being at work is what's best for me right now?" 

"I understand. Come by my office if you need anything okay? I'll be there." 

"Thank you." 

What? Why was I crying? Am I gonna start again? Does this have anything to do with whatever apparently happened this morning? Why won't Kiara answer my messages? What could I have said? I finish washing my face and leave the bathroom, with no answers but more questions by the second. 

On break, I consider calling Kiara, but decide against it. As I'm walking back, I pass by a coworker who is on a phone call. 

"Love you!" 

I stop dead in my tracks. Love. Just as the gears in my brain start spinning on this, I feel my phone go off. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I get woken up a long time before I want to be. I was rather enjoying sleeping with Calli in my arms. But as usual, my morning starts with a call from Austria much earlier than I want. To be fair, I haven't wanted a call from them for as long as I can remember. I turn my phone off, but I am already too far awake to fall back asleep right now. 

By the time I turn my phone back on, I already have 12 voicemails from that woman. But today, I decide, I will not entertain them. Today is going to be a good day! Wash my face, re-up my makeup, sing a little song, and I'm ready to go! I try to wake Calli up, but she's sleeping heavier than I stand a chance against. Goodbye to a sleepy Calli it is!

"Good bye Calli!" 

"..uh..oo.." 

Ohh? Sleep talking~? 

"What? Come again Calli?" 

"Kiara..love you.." 

...oh? Oh? Oh?! Oh. ...oh. She must be dreaming about the streams we're about to do since she works so hard. Us being in love is a part of work, of course. It's impressive she keeps up the energy to interact with me, honestly. She's so busy, and still finds time to work toward her future, even in her rest. I'll let Kokoro know how well she's doing, and maybe we can plan another event to help her relax! 

"Calli just said she loved me, even though she's asleep! So proud of her!" 

Might as well let Calli know I had a good time too! I'll send her a picture so she knows she's cute even in her sleep. 

"Had a great time today! I'd love to come around again!" 

And there's that. Now it's time I saw myself out and on to start my day. Today's schedule is vocal lessons, then bouncing ideas with Ina'nis about potential stream content. I'm sure we won't find many things our senpais haven't done, but maybe we will. I also need to find a time we're all free to somewhat coordinate our debuts...hm? 

A message from Austria. A message from hell. Before I even finish reading it, just after seeing the sender, my chest goes tight, I feel my state of mind shift, my motivation plummets, my eyes start watering, my day is ruined, my future is ruined. I just want to be home, to feel safe, to finally break free from this shitty situation. 

"Kiara. This is your mother. You have 2 days to come home. Do not ignore this. We know where you're staying and will come to you if you can't just behave and come to us. I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it was a bit confusing! The break is where I'm first going into Kiara's POV which I'm calling IDKWIWBIKYABPOI Gaiden: Kusotori Hen! Which means I Don't Know What I Want But I Know You're A Big Part of It Side Story: Kusotori Arc!


End file.
